Tuesday, September 23, 2014

psychological-abuse-more-common-and-equally-devastating-as-other-child-maltreatment/

http://healthland.time.com/2012/07/30/psychological-abuse-more-common-and-equally-devastating-as-other-child-maltreatment/

Psychological Abuse: More Common, as Harmful as Other Child Maltreatment

Psychological abuse — including demeaning, bullying and humiliating — may be the most prevalent form of child maltreatment. Yet it's among the hardest to identify or to treat
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It may be the most common kind of child abuse — and the most challenging to deal with. But psychological abuse, or emotional abuse, rarely gets the kind of attention that sexual or physical abuse receives.
That’s the message of a trio of pediatricians, who write this week in the journal Pediatrics with a clarion call to other family doctors and child specialists: stay alert to the signs of psychological maltreatment. Its effects can be every bit as devastating as those of other abuse.
Psychological maltreatment can include terrorizing, belittling or neglecting a child, the pediatrician authors say.
“We are talking about extremes and the likelihood of harm, or risk of harm, resulting from the kinds of behavior that make a child feel worthless, unloved or unwanted,” Harriet MacMillan, one of the three pediatrician authors, told reporters.
What makes this kind maltreatment so challenging for pediatricians and for social services staff, however, is that it’s not defined by any one specific event, but rather by the nature of the relationship between caregiver and child. That makes it unusually hard to identify.
Keeping a child in a constant state of fear is abuse, for example. But even the most loving parent will occasionally lose their cool and yell. Likewise, depriving a child of ordinary social interaction is also abuse, but there’s nothing wrong with sending a school-aged boy to stew alone in his room for an hour after he hits a younger sibling. All of this means that, for an outsider who observes even some dubious parenting practice, it can be hard to tell whether a relationship is actually abusive, or whether you’ve simply caught a family on a bad day.
Psychological abuse can also include what you might call “corrupting a child” — encouraging children to use illicit drugs, for example, or to engage in other illegal activities.
In their Pediatrics paper, MacMillan and co-authors say that 8% to 9% of women and 4% of men reported severe psychological abuse in childhood when the question was posed in general-population surveys of the U.S. and Britain. A number of U.S. surveys have also found that more adults claim they faced psychological maltreatment as kids than claim they experienced any other form of abuse. This suggests that psychological maltreatment may be the most common form of abuse inflicted on kids.
Because of that, pediatricians must be as sensitive to signs of emotional maltreatment as they are to signals of sexual or physical abuse, the authors say. And while it may be possible in the event of psychological abuse to intervene to improve the child’s home life — especially where the root cause is a parent’s own mental-health issue — the authors stress:
Consideration of out-of-home care interventions should not be restricted to cases of physical or sexual abuse; children exposed to psychological maltreatment may also require a level of protection that necessitates removal from the parental home.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Narcissistic Humiliation and Injury - HealthyPlace

Narcissistic Humiliation and Injury - HealthyPlace

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Question:
How do narcissists react to being humiliated?
Answer:
As do normal people - only more so. The narcissist is regularly and strongly humiliated by things, which, normally, do not constitute a humiliation. It would be safe to say that the emotional life of the narcissist is tinted by ubiquitous and recurrent humiliation.
Any event, action, inaction, utterance, or thought, which negate or can be construed to negate the uniqueness or the grandiose superiority of the narcissist- humiliate him. Living in a big city, belonging to a group of peers, any sign of disapproval, disagreement, criticism, or remonstrance - reduce him to a state of insulted, sulking agitation.
The narcissist interprets everything as addressed to his person ("ad hominem") rather than to his actions. The list of things, real or imagined, by which a narcissist might be slighted is dizzying indeed. When contradicted, when deprived of special treatment, when subjected to an attitude or comment which he judges to contravene his grandiose, superior self-image or his sense of entitlement - he is beside himself with indignant rage.
It is as though the narcissist has a need to be humbled, reduced, minimised and otherwise trampled upon. It is the eternal search for punishment that is thus satisfied. The narcissist is on a neverending trial, which, itself, constitutes his punishment.
The initial reaction of the narcissist to a perceived humiliation is a conscious rejection of the humiliating input. The narcissist tries to ignore it, talk it out of existence, or belittle its importance. If this crude mechanism of cognitive dissonance fails, the narcissist resorts to denial and repression of the humiliating material. He "forgets" all about it, gets it out of his mind and, when reminded of it, denies it.
But these are usually merely stopgap measures. The disturbing data is bound to impinge on the narcissist's tormented consciousness. Once aware of its re-emergence, the narcissist uses fantasy to counteract and counterbalance it. He imagines all the horrible things that he would have done (or will do) to the sources of his frustration.
It is through fantasy that the narcissist seeks to redeem his pride and dignity and to re-establish his damaged sense of uniqueness and grandiosity. Paradoxically, the narcissist does not mind being humiliated if this were to make him more unique or to draw more attention to his person.


For instance: if the injustice involved in the process of humiliation is unprecedented, or if the humiliating acts or words place the narcissist in a unique position, or if they transform him into a public figure - the narcissist tries to encourage such behaviours and to elicit them from others.
In this case, he fantasises how he defiantly demeans and debases his opponents by forcing them to behave even more barbarously than before, so that their unjust conduct is universally recognised as such and condemned and the narcissist is publicly vindicated and his self-respect restored. In short: martyrdom is as good a method of obtaining Narcissist Supply as any.

Fantasy, though, has its limits and once reached, the narcissist is likely to experience waves of self-hatred and self-loathing, the outcomes of helplessness and of realising the depths of his dependence on Narcissistic Supply. These feelings culminate in severe self-directed aggression: depression, destructive, self-defeating behaviours or suicidal ideation.
These self-negating reactions, inevitably and naturally, terrify the narcissist. He tries to project them on to his environment. He may decompensate by developing obsessive-compulsive traits or by going through a psychotic microepisode.
At this stage, the narcissist is suddenly besieged by disturbing, uncontrollable violent thoughts. He develops ritualistic reactions to them: a sequence of motions, an act, or obsessive counter-thoughts. Or he might visualise his aggression, or experience auditory hallucinations. Humiliation affects the narcissist this deeply.
Luckily, the process is entirely reversible once Narcissistic Supply is resumed. Almost immediately, the narcissist swings from one pole to another, from being humiliated to being elated, from being put down to being reinstated, from being at the bottom of his own, imagined, pit to occupying the top of his own, imagined, hill.
This metamorphosis is very typical: the narcissist has only an inner world. He does not accept, nor does he recognise reality. To him, reality is but a shadow cast by the fire, which burns inside him. He is consumed by it, by the wish to be loved, to be recognised, to control, to avoid hurt. And by succumbing to this internal conflagration, the narcissist all but cements his inability to attain even the modest goals that are achieved by others at a minimal cost and almost effortlessly.

Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 2 - HealthyPlace

Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 2 - HealthyPlace

Letter to a Narcissist - Excerpts Part 2

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Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 2

  1. A Letter to a Narcissist
  2. Narcissists in the Family
  3. Narcissistic Identity
  4. Narcissists, Right and Wrong
  5. In Defence of Narcissists
  6. Narcissists Have Tables of Emotional Resonance
  7. Contradictory Behaviours of Narcissists
  8. From "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho
  9. Narcissism's Gifts to Humanity
  10. Narcissists and Manipulation
  11. Narcissist Employer
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1. A Letter to a Narcissist

I am very happy that you found the power within you to share. I am a narcissist, probably even worse than you are. It took me eternity to talk about IMPERSONAL things like my shirt size, let alone my painful history, my inner world. I still do so with trepidation. You write well and from the heart.
This outweighs any stylistic advantages I or others might have. I was MOVED by your letter. It is a HUMAN letter.
Intuitively, you seem to have chosen a path of healing. I sympathise with you. I also try to give selflessly (my websites, etc.). It is the only way to fight malignant self love - by real self love. This is the chemotherapy of love.
Unrepentant and "true" narcissists (as you paint yourself, into a corner of unconsciously cunning egotism) - are EGO SYNTONIC. This means in human-speak: they feel GOOD with themselves, they feel whole (well, most of the time, anyhow, according to the latest research). When a narcissist begins to feel BAD, UNHAPPY, REMORSEFUL - he is shedding his narcissism. I am not at this stage yet. I am still ego-syntonic. I am still fairly content with my incredibly destructive path. I don't feel remorse, pangs of awakening conscience. Sure, I feel depressed at times - over lost chances for the obtaining further Narcissistic Supply. I envy you. The worse you feel with yourself - the closer your salvation. Healing is bought with pain, with reliving the old pains that made you what you are, with re-enacting the old conflicts that defined you.

2. Narcissists in the Family

To react emotionally to a narcissist is like talking atheism to an Afghan fundamentalist. Narcissists have emotions, very strong ones, so terrifyingly strong and negative that they hide them, repress, block, and transmute them. They employ a myriad of defence mechanisms: projective identification, splitting, projection, intellectualisation, rationalisation... Any effort to emotionally relate to a narcissist is doomed to failure, alienation and rage. Any attempt to "understand" (in retrospect or prospectively) narcissistic behaviour patterns, reactions, his inner world in emotional terms - are equally hopeless. Narcissists should be regarded as "stykhia", a force of nature, an accident. There is always the bitter question: "why me, why should this happen to me", of course...
There is no master-plot or mega-plan to deprive anyone. Being born to narcissistic parents is not the result of a conspiracy. It is a tragic event, for sure. But it cannot be dealt with emotionally without professional help and in an unplanned manner. Luckily, as opposed to narcissists, the prognosis for the victims of narcissists is fairly bright.

3. Narcissistic Identity

Narcissists very rarely acknowledge that they are narcissists. A MAJOR life crisis and a very prolonged and frustrating (for the therapist) therapy are needed before a narcissist admits that something MAY be wrong with him/her.
Narcissism is not an identity, it is a humiliation. To define oneself as a narcissist is to define oneself as a ridiculously pompous, unrealistic, predator of human emotions. This isn't very flattering and it is not much of an identity either because the narcissist has NO identity. He feeds off of his FALSE self as reflected by others. It is there, in others, that he lives.

4. Narcissists, Right and Wrong

Narcissists know the difference between right and wrong and to a large extent they do CHOOSE to do the things they do. They are lazy and have no empathy. To be considerate and understanding one has to invest effort and thought and to empathise. I don't know what is the attitude of the courts: do personality disorders constitute a "diminished responsibility" defence? NPD is NOTHING like BPD. It is FAR more cerebral, premeditated and controlled. In this sense it is much closer to the Antisocial personality disorder than to BPD (Borderline) or HPD (Histrionic).

Consequences of a Narcissistic Mother on her Adult Daughter